I am so very special
I have been from the start.
Before they held me in their arms
My family held me in their hearts.
And like a single drop of rain
That on still waters fall,
My life and love will ripples make
And touch the lives of all.
Cathryn Stanley
Baby C is coming home tomorrow!
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune... without the words,
And never stops at all ... Emily Dickinson
While I was cleaning out the nursery closet, I found a little yellow chicken that was bought for Aven by her Aunt C prior to me finding out I was pregnant with Aven. Surprisingly, it made me really happy to find it, I forgot all about it to tell you the truth. I am excited that Baby C will get to have something that belonged to big sister. I think it is pretty special that I will get to pass the little yellow chicken to our future child. Every time I look at it now, and yes I have looked at it a lot since I found it, it gives me hope. It may sound absurd that a stuffed little yellow chicken could do that to a person but it is much needed right now because this wait is torture.
In 2 weeks, something life changing is going to happen to us. Either Baby C will finally be home or, we will begin grieving the little baby that we have been receiving updates and pictures on for the past 21 days. Both events will have a significant impact on us and therefore the next couple of weeks are going to be really tough. The anxiety, anxiousness, fear, excitement are already in full swing and there are no signs that it will let up until the day is here.
So for now, I will just stare at the little yellow chicken...
Always,
April
One of my favorite shower pictures, tasty cupcakes to match Baby C's crib bedding. What an amazing and awesome day today. Love. Love. Love!
Tomorrow is our adoption shower. Excited! Excited! Excited! And a tad nervous. I am more nervous about the questions that will be asked of us. People are not trying to be nosy or intrusive but adoption just makes random phrases and questions fly out of peoples mouths that sometimes don't warrant a response because they are really personal. People love us and care about us which is why they ask so many questions but there are still parts of our adoption process that belong to Baby C. If Baby C wants to tell you one day, he will. Excited! Excited! Nervous! Excited!
V had her baby today!! We heard from V several times during her very long labor process. We had the chance to speak to her via phone today prior to and after birth of baby. We heard baby cry as baby was weighed and heard baby scream during baby's first bath. We are hoping we will get to see V tomorrow as well as baby. We wish we could open the champagne now and celebrate this amazing moment and though we are enjoying it and realize how special it is, the reality is that baby is still V's baby.
We still have a long road to go before we know if this baby is Baby C or not. We are hopeful but V has a very big decision to make, again. V decided she wanted us to parent in September when we were matched together but V once again will have to decide before she leaves the hospital if this is still her plan. We then get to wait until December for V to decide a 3rd time if we are still to be baby's parents and only then will we truly know if this really is Baby C. Adoption is not an easy road but when Baby C is finally in our arms, we will appreciate how lengthy our road was.
Even though I write about how we have to be realistic about things, our hearts are already invested. There is no way around that. My head can tell my heart all day long to stay quiet and calm but my heart wins everytime.
"If I had to run, if I had to crawl
If I had to swim a hundred rivers, just to climb a thousand walls,
Always know that I would find a way, to get to where you are,
There's no place that far." ~ Sara Evans
Always,
April
