V and baby!

V had her baby today!! We heard from V several times during her very long labor process. We had the chance to speak to her via phone today prior to and after birth of baby. We heard baby cry as baby was weighed and heard baby scream during baby's first bath. We are hoping we will get to see V tomorrow as well as baby. We wish we could open the champagne now and celebrate this amazing moment and though we are enjoying it and realize how special it is, the reality is that baby is still V's baby.

We still have a long road to go before we know if this baby is Baby C or not. We are hopeful but V has a very big decision to make, again. V decided she wanted us to parent in September when we were matched together but V once again will have to decide before she leaves the hospital if this is still her plan. We then get to wait until December for V to decide a 3rd time if we are still to be baby's parents and only then will we truly know if this really is Baby C. Adoption is not an easy road but when Baby C is finally in our arms, we will appreciate how lengthy our road was.

Even though I write about how we have to be realistic about things, our hearts are already invested. There is no way around that. My head can tell my heart all day long to stay quiet and calm but my heart wins everytime.

"If I had to run, if I had to crawl

If I had to swim a hundred rivers, just to climb a thousand walls,

Always know that I would find a way, to get to where you are,

There's no place that far." ~ Sara Evans

Always,

April

Gender Neutral Cupcake!

I love it when the door bell rings and it is someone carrying a gift! We received our first shower gift and actually seeing it brought into the house made me happy and anxious. Imagine that. Our parents have spoiled us and purchased all of our big baby needs and the rest is just extra special icing on the gender neutral cupcake.

We are having an Approved and Waiting shower soon. We are both excited and nervous about it. The shower was planned prior to our match so the shower is for Baby C. We hope we will meet Baby C soon but only time will tell. Either way, Baby C is going to need a room with things so we are going to just build the room and get ready in hopes that sometime in this lifetime we will put it all to use.

We are still very excited and hopeful about V but we also have to be realistic that the shower we look forward to attending soon is for any future Baby C that comes into our lives. So with that, bring on the gender neutral cupcakes!

V squared

Today we had lunch with V and her sister V who is now V2. V and V2 are so much alike in their sense of humors and in their amazing personalities! We learned so much about V today because she was more comfortable and in her own element. We also got a peek at her day to day life. We did a lot of talking about baby and what we all want our future to look like as two families connected through adoption. We knew our adoption would always be semi open but now that we have had the chance to get to know V a little more and her sister, we feel like our adoption is moving more towards completely open rather than semi open. So far, V's adoption plan and our match is working out perfectly. The next plan is to see V again in the next two weeks or so...and already, we can't wait!!!

Wednesday!

We are having lunch with V and her sister tomorrow! Yay! I am excited :)

Still hanging in...

We are still hanging in! My stress level has increased a tad and no matter how many times I tell myself to just take a deep breath and breathe it is sorta difficult to remain calm and composed. Something is going to happen soon and it is either going to turn our world inside out in a wonderfully chaotic way or we will have some heartbreak and go back to waiting... Pins and needles!! AAAHHH! Time for a cup of chamomile tea and a chill pill... Deeeeeeep breath! AAAHHH!

V Day!

We had a lovely lunch with V today! My nerves were wired for the majority of the morning but because both our caseworker and V's adoption caseworker were with us during lunch, it went pretty well and the nerves calmed but only just a little.

V is as funny in person as she is on the phone. We plan to see her again soon because V really wants us to meet her older sister before baby is born. It is important to her that we get to know each other as much as possible which of course, I love!

V is a very caring person and D and I feel pretty blessed to have her in our lives now. If anything, she has given us a renewed hope.

Take a deep breath in and let it out...

Yesterday, I had a smack me in the face sort of moment in regards to the adoption roller coaster. Nothing out of the ordinary happened and I was just going about my day, every once in a while thinking about the million things I should be doing in preperation for what could possibly happen to us in the next 80 days, when a familiar unwelcomed feeling snuck in.

What if this doesn't happen? What if V decides to parent? What if this isn't baby C. What then? Sure V wants us to parent baby now but V will have to decide to pick us as parents one more time after she gives birth. Just because we fit, have a connection now doesn't mean anything other than that. For now. Come November, who knows what the cards will be or what the future holds.

I had to take a deep deep deeeeep breath and let it out. I told myself to let go. I have zero control in what goes on from here. All I can do is be as positive as I can be, be hopeful and let go. What will be, will be.

Always,

April