Yesterday, I had a smack me in the face sort of moment in regards to the adoption roller coaster. Nothing out of the ordinary happened and I was just going about my day, every once in a while thinking about the million things I should be doing in preperation for what could possibly happen to us in the next 80 days, when a familiar unwelcomed feeling snuck in.
What if this doesn't happen? What if V decides to parent? What if this isn't baby C. What then? Sure V wants us to parent baby now but V will have to decide to pick us as parents one more time after she gives birth. Just because we fit, have a connection now doesn't mean anything other than that. For now. Come November, who knows what the cards will be or what the future holds.
I had to take a deep deep deeeeep breath and let it out. I told myself to let go. I have zero control in what goes on from here. All I can do is be as positive as I can be, be hopeful and let go. What will be, will be.
Always,
April
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